Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Just sharing the shit and the stupidity that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I lost my compassion for people these past two days. Sick from their lack of compassion. Everyone everywhere blind and cruel and willfully ignorant. 


I protested again at fenway when everyone came out of the red sox game with their stomachs full of tortured animals. This time a classmate from my documentary class came to get footage. This time I got angry. I stood for a long time before the crowds started coming and watched everyone ignore my sign of the pig trapped behind bars....Their denial, the way they deliberately avoid looking at the pig made me so sad. I felt so helpless. So invisible. Begging them 'can't you see the suffering'? 'Won't you see? Won't you help end it? You can help end it.'

And I realized that it is the very same denial. The same denial that I experienced and that I nearly lost my life to. Doctors, friends, family denying the severity of my pain and suffering. Looking away, passing me on to the next doctor....friends dropping out of my life like for months pretending that nothing serious was happening to me no matter how desperately I pleaded for help, for mercy. I pleaded for mercy and people turned away. People that could have helped me chose not to. They chose not to see.

And now I am here. Fighting this denial on a large scale. Seeing it all around me. Seeing how brutal it is. How cruel it is. And even people that suffer from excruciating pain themselves and know suffering continue to inflict it upon the animals.

I have to take care of myself otherwise I will be sick. It is like re-living the holocaust. Like becoming Raja again and seeing the world go black. Because everywhere and all around me almost everyone is choosing to torture and to abuse animals for their taste buds. And I am sick, sick of the cruelty that smiles at me from young children's faces. High school kids with bright eyes and bright smiles telling me that they don't care.

And I am also sick of people that suffer from pain themselves that want compassion for themselves but don't know how to extend it to the animals they eat. They celebrate their 'healing' by burning and eating the bodies of animals. This world looks infinitely warped to me. I feel hateful. Since yesterday. And it is very unpleasant to feel like this. I am not sure that protesting is the right thing for me to do. The jeering idiots, young boys, shouting 'We love steak' in unison as I hold up my sign with my pig begging them to see the suffering....

All around me I see hearts and minds that are shut down and I knock on the door of their hearts and a few open, a crack, a sliver...some are willing to learn, some want to grow....but most just want to swallow just for the taste....because suffering doesn't matter at all as long as it taste goods.

 I have been feeling so angry yesterday and today. I can't take the idiocy anymore. It is everywhere, all the time and I hate it. People refusing to care. The lack of compassion, the is so ugly and it comes in pretty smiling young faces....

It breaks my heart and makes me so angry to see how the young high school kids don't give a shit. They just don't care. I hate when I start feeling that I hate people. When I see everyone as selfish and cruel and they make no sense to me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

I had another breakthrough today. And I believe that it is directly connected to having been at the farm sanctuary on sunday. Being with the animals has strengthened me. I promised them that I would fight for them. I cried with the beautiful cow that has ptsd from having had her horns severed. Like they all do. I looked into her eyes, into the depth of her soul and i promised her that i would do everything that i could to help her, to help her kind.

The pigs astounded me. Their humility, the depth with which they listened and heard each one of us...i felt that i was with sacred beings, enlightened souls, i wanted to bask in their presence....they were more spiritual than me, more enlightened, they had a humility that i don't have at all....something so deep, i would say like the dalai lama only that the dalai eats meat....something from beyond, a spiritual plane that i long to be a part of but that i only grasp at and sense here and there for moments...i felt it with them, they inhabited this space, they brought it to us....And I don't know if all pigs are of this essence or if was something specific to these pigs.....i felt that they were enlightened souls....and i just wanted to stay with them, to continue to be blessed by them....

Today I found myself with the poster of the pig in the gestation crate...only that today i held it differently. I held it up high and I looked into people's eyes and I held it in communion with the pigs....i connected to their presence again and was guided into an almost meditative state.....

On the way home crowds of people were coming back from the red socks game and I found myself holding my sign up high and then I started speaking to the crowds. The words came out so naturally as though they had always been there, just waiting for this moment to be set free....."Join the vegan movement, the fastest growing movement of the 21st century, the fastest growing social justice movement of the 21st century, the animals need all of us, don't support cruelty and suffering with your wallets, together we can put an end to factory farming, the animals are going insane in the factory farms, unable to turn around for months....

And when children walked by "Parents don't lie to your children. If you can't tell them what you are feeding them don't feed it to them. Children please join the movement. The animals need you."

When young people walked by "The vegan movement needs you. We need the young people to join the movement. Open your hearts to compassion. Be a voice for the animals. Don't support animal abuse with your wallets."

"We all know what is going on in the factory farms. America stop denying and repressing the truth...."

I must have reached 100's of people. It was the perfect place and the perfect time only that at some point I was told that I wasn't allowed to 'protest' there. And that if I kept it up I would be arrested. But the guy that said that to me was sweet.

The sad part was when I finally got on the T after staying on the platform to speak to the crowds that kept on filling it up.....I met 4 young girls....talking to them was painful for me.....they were indifferent and uncaring. They said that they knew all about factory farming and that they don't care because they like the taste of meat.

That was a trigger for me. Leaving Nate (someone that i dated a few times) because he eats meat was painful. Coming up against my own friend's indifference is painful. But I am with the animals 100% and every life that I touch is an animal potentially saved.

America is waking up and I have a voice that is stronger and braver than I ever imagined.

The pigs are within me. The cows. The goats. They are all within me. And I can speak for them. I am not sure if I have ever felt more blessed or honored to be doing what I am doing now.



Wednesday, June 29, 2016

June 29th, 2016

Are you vegan yet dear friend? Can you hear me calling out to you? Can you see that you are being called to reconnect, to reclaim, to cherish and treasure a part of yourself that you have forsaken, forgotten, banished to the outskirts of your consciousness. Can you see that you have made yourself so much smaller than what you truly are? Can you feel how beautiful, how compassionate, how spiritually whole you are becoming? I can feel you coming closer to me. I am here to embrace you, to welcome you, to honor you. I will always be here to take you in to the deeper and deeper recesses of my mind and soul, to show you the layers of beauty and inspiration that you have available to you....Come, come in, you are welcome, put down your weary bags, rest, recover....there is so much here for you to love. And we need you. We need you. You are needed here with us. You belong here sweet child of love and of light. You belong here with us.

June 29th, 2016

The suffering of the animals causes me great suffering, great pain, great sorrow. The numb disconnectedness that the majority of us chose TERRIFIES me. I am scared of what we have become. Scared of how lost we are. Of how far we have ventured away from our own souls. My only desire is to bring unity and compassion so that we can be whole again. So that we can be who we are meant to be. So that we can live in peace with ourselves. We, we, we, we have lost our way. We have fallen so far from our ourselves.

June 29th, 2016

This is what terrifies me about all of us. That we continue to feast on suffering and torture as though it wasn't happening. How have our hearts become so dead? How have we relinquished our souls? How can we know, see, feel and continue to live as though we did not know? Please, can you help me understand? I am so lost in their suffering and I mourn the loss of our humanity.

June 17th, 2016

We support animal abuse with every one of our meals. We pet and cuddle our dogs and pay for cows, pigs and chickens to be tortured, maimed, confined and broken down. We tell ourselves that we love animals as we wipe the sides of our mouths that dribble with the remains of anguished animals. We have stolen everything from them, the grass, the sun, the air, their children. We have broken their spirits down, leaving them to bash their heads against the cold iron bars and the stinking cages that confine them. And we do all of this with such an air of entitlement as though it is our god-given right to do so. Shame? Guilt? Responsibility? We stifle all of this. After all everyone is doing it. I hate lunch time at MassArt. I hate witnessing people that I otherwise like fill their guts with tortured carcasses and stolen secretions as they talk about nothing that could be as relevant and as horrible as what is on their plates. Lunch time is a time of mourning for me. A time of alienation and isolation. A time to feel and be and suffer with the animals.

June 16, 2016

A great disease will sweep through our nation. Many will die, children included. The disease will come from contaminated meat and milk. The government will do all that it can to cover up the truth. Spiritually, the disease already exists. It won't be long before it manifests physically. Our own determination to remain blind and callous to the suffering that we are causing will catch up with us big time.

June 15th, 2016

When we lift the veils of our denial we are confronted with a truth so terrible and horrific that it shakes the very foundations of our being. Those that have been initiated are purified and given new eyes with which to see and understand all matters of this earthly world. As the blinders fall way we are liberated. With our liberation comes a deep and driven sense of responsibility to all living beings, animals and humans. Our every thought and action is motivated by the desire to untie the blindfolds, to release the shackles and to open the doors to the cages that confine, mangle and mutilate our spiritual evolution and our consciousness.

June 11th, 2016

The divine feminine communicates through the animals. She is compassion, intuition, connection and courage. She is within me and all around me and I am humbled by her generosity and by her beauty. She bestows me with gifts so precious and so tender that my heart breaks open in gratitude and my soul sings in awe. To serve her is my greatest prayer.

June 10th, 2016

Creativity at its essence is a process of discovery. We must be willing to let go of our plans and our notions so as to remain open to what is coming next. We can practice this through process-oriented painting or through a process that I call 'discovery painting.'

June 10th, 2016

I look into people's bodies and I can see the blockages. The blockages are so profoundly horrible that I cry from seeing them. I see people that have such incredible spiritual potential that are almost completely obstructing their potential by the consumption of terror, grief and violence. I weep for the loss of all of this spiritual potential. I weep for the loss of all of this beauty that is here for us but that we have lost access to. And then I meet a baby goose that comes to help me and I know how blessed I am.

June 10th, 2016

As we remove meat and dairy from our bodies we free ourselves from the vibrations of terror, grief and violence. A spiritual dimension that was formerly blocked to us begins to open. In this dimension the physical and the spiritual are experienced and recognized as one.The multi-dimensionality of time becomes evident.The physical as a manifestation of the spiritual is obvious. Did the goose find me? Or did I find the goose? Or were the goose and I always one?

Monday, May 23, 2016

I had some powerful imagery in my dreams from this morning that I want to look at more deeply.

One was a horse. The horse was jumping up and down, really high into the air, almost like flying. He was higher than everything around him. And he was jumping from joy. I was left with a sense of awe. A sense that I was witnessing a great miracle and that something deeply spiritual was happening in joy and beauty.

In my own life I feel that I am connecting more and more to what I want to be doing. I feel connected to a deep and nourishing center, of gushing creativity....

This force, this horse was celebrating something and he was bringing awe and beauty and justice to all of those around him.

Horses don't jump off of the ground. Oh, but they do. They do. They do.

And then there was a huge, huge, huge white snake with black speckles and he was very beautiful. And somehow I was not afraid of him at all. I was in awe of his beauty. Someone was holding his face and I could see that the snake was there just as the horse was, to inspire beauty and awe in me and to offer me friendship and support.

I felt a sense of liberation and celebration and awe.

It is the first time that a huge snake appeared in my dream as something that aroused awe in me.

Awe and friendship. The snake was there to help me gain spiritual strength and to offer me his wisdom and great strength.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Friday, May 13, 2016

From my timeline:

"I am from planet Vegan. On planet vegan we dance and sing with the animals. We especially love the cows and the pigs and the chickens. Everywhere we are surrounded by animals and by vegetation. We are happy on planet vegan. But some of us had to leave planet vegan because we saw that planet earth was destroying itself and we felt deep sorrow for the human beings that were suffering and causing suffering. So we left our spiritual realm and we came to this physical plane. Life here is very hard for those of us from planet Vegan. Some of us even ate other spiritual beings and wore other spiritual beings while we were here only to find out that we had been harming life. Our hearts broke for the suffering that we caused and we yearned to return to planet vegan where the spiritual and the physical are one and where kindness prevails. On planet vegan we were taught that the animals were our brothers and our sisters. We were in awe of their intelligence. We were humbled by the way they loved us and communicated with us. When we came to earth we lost our way. Now we have so much work to do to restore and to heal life. We are tired but we know where we come from and our mission is clear. We are here to teach love. We are here to protect life. We are here now and one day soon we will return to where we came from. One day soon we will live in joy and in harmony with our brothers and sisters, the animals and with all of nature again. I am from planet vegan. I am here for only a very short time."

              -Atara Schimmel

Morning has officially arrived and I am still not tired. Breaking through all of my fears of is exhilarating and seeing the waves that breaking through my own fears has created in the 'external' world is a incredible. But the fact remains that 75 million animals are killed every day in America alone. Still, I have proven to myself that I don't have to die from despair. I can speak my truth and celebrate my victories and watch how each internal barrier that I break through reverberates in the 'external' world. In reality there is no separation between any of us. We are all each other and we are the animals as much as they are us. Their suffering is ours. Our denial is their despair. Our liberation is their liberation. Their liberation is our liberation. The challenge is to remain loving and compassionate and hopeful and to keep on working. The challenge is to take care of my teeth!

And to fall asleep. Please.