Just sharing the shit and the stupidity that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I lost my compassion for people these past two days. Sick from their lack of compassion. Everyone everywhere blind and cruel and willfully ignorant.
I protested again at fenway when everyone came out of the red sox game with their stomachs full of tortured animals. This time a classmate from my documentary class came to get footage. This time I got angry. I stood for a long time before the crowds started coming and watched everyone ignore my sign of the pig trapped behind bars....Their denial, the way they deliberately avoid looking at the pig made me so sad. I felt so helpless. So invisible. Begging them 'can't you see the suffering'? 'Won't you see? Won't you help end it? You can help end it.'
And I realized that it is the very same denial. The same denial that I experienced and that I nearly lost my life to. Doctors, friends, family denying the severity of my pain and suffering. Looking away, passing me on to the next doctor....friends dropping out of my life like flies.....family for months pretending that nothing serious was happening to me no matter how desperately I pleaded for help, for mercy. I pleaded for mercy and people turned away. People that could have helped me chose not to. They chose not to see.
And now I am here. Fighting this denial on a large scale. Seeing it all around me. Seeing how brutal it is. How cruel it is. And even people that suffer from excruciating pain themselves and know suffering continue to inflict it upon the animals.
I have to take care of myself otherwise I will be sick. It is like re-living the holocaust. Like becoming Raja again and seeing the world go black. Because everywhere and all around me almost everyone is choosing to torture and to abuse animals for their taste buds. And I am sick, sick of the cruelty that smiles at me from young children's faces. High school kids with bright eyes and bright smiles telling me that they don't care.
And I am also sick of people that suffer from pain themselves that want compassion for themselves but don't know how to extend it to the animals they eat. They celebrate their 'healing' by burning and eating the bodies of animals. This world looks infinitely warped to me. I feel hateful. Since yesterday. And it is very unpleasant to feel like this. I am not sure that protesting is the right thing for me to do. The jeering idiots, young boys, shouting 'We love steak' in unison as I hold up my sign with my pig begging them to see the suffering....
All around me I see hearts and minds that are shut down and I knock on the door of their hearts and a few open, a crack, a sliver...some are willing to learn, some want to grow....but most just want to swallow just for the taste....because suffering doesn't matter at all as long as it taste goods.