I want pictures
can't get myself to take them
to bring that red twisted wire to my room

feels like i can't do it alone
too heavy

i have plenty of time

but there are so many days when i feel that i am not moving forward

i move forward in my relationships, in my connections with people

that too is slow, though meaningful, deeply

things feel immovable

the weight of the pain always bearing down on me

clamping me down to now

the challenge of growing through the pain
my god, it is hard

try weaving meaning with a knife lodged between your legs

i weave meaning with a knife lodged between my legs!!!!!!!

Amazing!!!!

I must be a very talented acrobat.
In the world of souls i must be a brilliant and enlightened soul
Wouldn't i be deeply wise by now?

Huh, in this world i am disabled and enabled.
I see and know of a condition that others don't.
I speak and tell and prophesy

I will fight till the end!!!
I will uncover!!!
I will discover!!!

Damn,
the pain is tough now and i just don't feel like sticking opium up my butt or Valium up my vagina. If i smoke i won't sleep and i want to sleep.

Back too bed, to breathing deeply, deeply, deeply breathing...

Goodnight lovers
Goodnight friends

One day people will hear about this and we will get the help that we need and deserve. I swear that I am willing to suffer for this to happen.

I will fight!!!!!

And so must all of you.