Fem in in in frag ment s

suffering spiritual

spiritual suffering

can these two words go together?

can I suffer in a spiritual way?

can I accept suffering as a part of a spiritual path?

can suffering be a guide and a teacher?

or is suffering only crushing and disabling and horrible?

I am trying to understand this

trying to accept this

somehow

in a spiritual way

what else is there to hold onto if not this?

I am raising money for the angel workshop

250 is my goal for now

with 250 I will be able to buy the material for three or four workshops for ten women

I am forging a path while in bed

seeking the lit spaces in this dizzying darkness

I am not alone, that is for sure

I am not lonely,

sometimes I feel hurt by and angry at friends that do not suffer from pain and disability for they judge me wrongly

but I reach out to other women who suffer like me, who live on the edge like me and who create meaning by caring for and connecting to others

I live on the edge with other women who live on the edge too and my own fight is completely entwined with theirs

I see the spiritual everywhere

it was at the lake yesterday, on the waters, with the swans,

and we took pictures

I have an artist by my side now

Now, in these hard and troubled times he creates art with me and helps me heal my story

even in these times, I can see blessings all around me

So, God, why, what is it for?

Are you trying to help us grow?

Why do you challenge us this way?


And how I continue to seek You always in me