And as I journeyed further
Walking through the golden gateway of compassion

I found that all of the shattered pieces that I had thought were 'my self'

Were but beautiful reflections of all of us

It was in this shattering

That I awoke

To how tightly I held onto this sense of self

that was nothing but an illusion

As I bent down to collect the broken remains

I saw that each shard

that I had thought was 'me'

was just a reflection

I held the shards up to the light

recognizing all the forms of suffering and sorrows

And vowed to practice compassion

even more deeply

It had become clear to me that 'i' was made of nothing of any substance

And that there was only one unifying force

and that it was my duty to learn and to study and to practice

the way

-Atara Schimmel

It became clear to me
as I shattered
into a million pieces
that there was only one gateway out of this hell

It became clear to me that I could choose to continue suffering
trapped in rage, sorrow, despair for eons

Or I could make my way to the golden gate
that stood before me
humble and small
shackled and bound and utterly free all at once

And so I walked through that gateway

the gateway of compassion

And there I found all of the pain that I had been shutting out of myself

And all of the suffering that I had been denying

And i came to it with love

And I came to it with tenderness

And I came to it with forgiveness

And i was healed

-Atara Schimmel

My hands are not broken yet.

I will weave fire.

And I will carry this burden back to you.

To be a balm for all those that still suffer.

I will restore my own healing.

I will weave fire and flame.

Wait and see.

you are not done with me

I will be back

the bullies might seem strong now

but they will fall

they will crumble down

as i walk over their forlorn bodies

there are those i will hear

and there are those i will pass over

justice and compassion will reign

A love poem for you.

For your bravery in coping with so much suffering.

For taking so much on.

So that you could find your way through.

So that you could teach.

As the leaf blowers rage and you feel like you are splitting into pieces

sharp pieces that only desire to slice you down

into pieces

Remember

that you made it through

you made it through

over and over again

So what if you fall

so what if you become hard like a brick from anger

that devours you completely

you'll always be back

you will always be back

i can't stop writing  cuz i have been suffering so much

for so long now

And if i stop writing i will feel the knife lodged

this was supposed to be a love poem for myself

i don't know what it is

i just now that once again the leaf blowers came and stole all of my peace again

and i am so angry that my peace was stolen again

because of the lack of compassion

i relinquish all desire

devoting myself to the practice

one tear

slid down my face 

and stumbled into a pool of blood

and pus

twisted in my gut

where the animals reside

it trickled through

through 

and through

until it reached you

reaching for me

we held it there together

mending ourselves together

our pain intermingling

mine untangling yours

yours untangling mine

we sat patiently together

sharing the ache as though it was all that we had left to share

until the breeze came through and your stars crumbled all around me

the leaf-blowers came 

this time i can feel them slitting my pelvis in two

and you are there

holding

holding

holding

reminding me that peace is my choice

my blessing

and that whatever hurts

can always be transformed

 - Atara Schimmel

I have reached the shore.

I am safe again.

I have made it through.

Your hand.

You extended to me.

I took it.

And turned the other away.

I understand that you want me now.

I am here now.

Resting.

Here.

Now. 

Resting.

My tear slides into your hands.

You hold it in your hands for me.

And show me all of the colors of the rainbow that my lonely tear contains.

I look. I come. Closer.

You show me the yellow. The red. The blue.

I notice the traces of pink and I come even closer.

You pull me in with your words.

And I borrow them for my own poetry.

So now we are writing together.

Writing our poetry together.

I understand what we are doing now.

                           Atara Schimmel

As the leaf blowers rage.

I lay on the floor of my room.

Understanding that I am leaving something behind me.

Understanding that I have to go further.

Go deeper into peace.

Deepening my understanding of suffering.

I understand now where I am going.

I am understanding that I must practice.

Practice with a Sangha.

I understand.

Your bloody fist opened and the rose petals fell to the floor.

I stooped so low to pick them up.

And kissed the sacred ground that cradled my feet.

Each petal a tear.

Each drop of blood a dream for peace.

Transformed.

I took you into my arms and watched you dissolve.

I leave slowly, so as not to abandon or frighten anyone.

I leave because my life is sacred and I must honor it entirely and completely.

                                                        - Atara Schimmel