Where am I? Where are you, child of light and of compassion?

I am struggling. Rising and falling. Fear settles in and it smells stale and useless. Dreams shrivel away reminding me of everything that I have not done.

My motivation is low.

Being is hard.

The twisted electrocutions grind my spirit to flakes.

There is a deep wailing that none can hear.

Pulsed Radio Frequency Ablation

Is there hope for relief there?

Tired, trudging, falling

Ketamine?

What?

Where?

Where do I turn to for help?

God give me strength for I feel defeated. Scared of this beast that holds me to its tortures, scared of  this beast that has terrorized my faith. Scared of the beast that has taken hold of my Father. I pray for peace and for freedom from pain. I know no such freedom or peace. I know not where to turn. My vision has been stunted and maimed. I fear.

I pray to God/Goddess, where else can I turn if not to you. You have redeemed me, you have breathed the breath of life into my body. Please help me find the way towards healing for I am lost. The maze has trapped me. I am forsaken in darkness, my strength has been taken from me, I am downtrodden, I am forlorn, I am trapped in the darkness of suffering. I call out to you God/Goddess, renew my spirit so that I may take awe in your beauty. Renew my spirit so that I may find that the pathway towards you is paved with light and love and compassion.

I pray, renew my spirit so that I may walk in Your Light, so that I may follow Your Path, so that I may Know and Embody Your Truth and Your Eternal Blessing. Holy Goddess/God, renew my spirit that has waned and died away so that I may walk beside you, embracing the Vision of your Compassion and of your Healing.

Renew my Spirit so that I may know the Joy of Forgiveness and the subsequent Redemption. Clear my eyes so that I may bask in awe at the beauty of your Loving Tenderness. I am lost. I have lost my vision of your way. Please, take my hand and guide me back so that I may know, so that I may return to your Holy Blessing.

Oh, God/Goddess, I cry out to you in my pain and in my agony. I know not where to turn to. My head is towards the ground. I cannot see your Ways though I know that only yesterday I walked them. Oh, God/Goddess, my home, my body has turned against me, it has lashed out at me in fury and in fire and I am small, I am crippled, I am stunted and maimed, deaf and dumb before the assaults and afflictions that are upon me. I know not why this is my lot, I beg to be redeemed for my spirit is in flames and my soul is in constant flight and desperation. I am chained. I am shackled. How can I pray to you, how can I walk in your ways, with this affliction holding me in the bowels of the earth, murdered before you.

I am slain. I am divided. I lay broken before you and you do not hear my cries? I call out to you and you deafen your ear?

I call out to you. My hand is raised. My soul is above my body, I cry out in desperation and in terror. Help me heal myself, dear Lord. Guide my hand so that I may become WHOLE.