Friday, November 2, 2012

 Last night while stubbornly trying to turn the knob to my door I learned that I can pass through doors and walls as though they were not there. I could not understand why the door would not open, maybe so that I would finally have the guts to try another way. So, I tried and I passed through the door as though there was nothing before me but open space. So, so much for doors. Maybe from now on doors are there just as symbols of my fears. They are there to teach me and to encourage me to pass through them harmlessly and effortlessly.
I also learned last night that I am afraid of leaving my body. The fear is very real. I was afraid of not being able to find my way back to my body, of meeting obstacles along the way that would harm me and block me from returning to the physical safety that my body grants me in this physical world. Whether this is a fear that like the door I will learn to pass through I do not know. Maybe initiations into this 'other' world will continue, maybe not. I am not particularly eager to learn this aspect of-  i don't even know what to call it-, though all my life i have had knowledge of it and have wanted to be initiated into it. I am not sure what makes me ready for it now, I only know that it is happening.
What else have I learned. I learned that men are intimidated by women that are more intelligent then them or that are highly knowledgeable of the feminine powers. These powers are not uniquely feminine at all as there are men that are aware of them and using them and through-out history have been what we called "wizards". Still, the majority apparently are afraid of the so called 'female' powers and thus the witch-hunts. In Islam the fear of the female is so profound that the subjugation and oppression of the female is of the order and law of the time.
I learned last night that I am afraid of flying. Maybe a broomstick would make flying feel more secure for me. Though, unlike women in the past,  I have no special attachment to a broomstick, in fact I do not have a broomstick at all. Maybe a carpet would give me the security that I need? I have a little carpet that I bought from a craftsy store a while back in Newtonville. I wonder if that might help. I must admit that it does not look particularly magical but looks are not what matter, right?
So, I am afraid of flying. Last night, instead of flying or floating out of my room, I scaled the walls. I guess something like spider-man only that I did not have webs. What I did discover is that using some-kind of doughy material which wasn't clay or play dough but something similar to them in make-up, helped me stick to the walls. I used this play dough -like material to climb the wall and ceiling of my room. Finally I reached the door and that is when I returned to normal upright position and persisted on trying to turn the door knob. After numerous failed attempts I gave up and decided that I have no choice but to test the waters. Thus I learned that I can pass through doors and I assume walls with no trouble at all. Door-knobs and doors belong to the physical world only.
Regarding the doughy material, I find it funny that I needed to use that but I guess that beginners do need some props from the physical world before they gain the confidence to just let go. I must say that I feel far away from being able to fly into the night to meet my fellow travelers in the trees. I really have no such desire. I would much prefer to have a good night of sleep. Life has and continues to teach me that I am not in control and that I have to follow whatever destiny is mine with love and appreciation for the journey. So, if I find myself sometime soon, sitting (i hope not sitting, that would be painful for me or maybe it would not??) floating or standing on the branch of a tree consorting with other creatures who like me, have by no choice of their own discovered that they possess these very strange though recognized abilities, then I will laugh at the absurdity of all of this. Others might call it a cackle but I know for certain that I am a good witch so the word cackle does not seem appropriate to me. I am thankful that the witch hunts have ended years ago. The idea of being hung by my hair and burnt alive does not thrill me, though compared to PN, how horrible could a torture that ends withing a few hours or a few days be?

Good Luck,
from a newly initiated witch