My fibro. symptoms have been so @@$$##@#^ hard. Still fighting. Always fighting. I signed up for Kelly Rae Roberts on-line class. I will be teaching a multi-media painting class at Webster house. I really look forward to giving something back to Webster house. I love being there. Souls are everywhere and everyone is doing art. Broken souls are the most beautiful ones because you can see what is inside. I consider myself a broken soul. Even before PN.

I really like Kelly's art and I really admire her openness and her positivity. I feel that she is sharing with me important stepping stones. I think that it is time that I open my etsy store. It is also time to really get this blog looking good. Of course, I am tired, the fatigue and fibro. brain-fog are crushing. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I could complain forever. What is the point. I might as well try to be positive.

This friday I will be going to Cindy Steinberg's support group. I am looking forward to this. I feel honored and I appreciate that a lot. I know that Cindy wants me to feel honored and valued for what I do and that is kind. Kindness. Veganism. Teaching a class at Webster House. I think that that is going to be a real highlight for me because I love Webster House so much. I am excited to teach! I miss teaching and sharing.

I will be at Newton City Hall again for Newton Open Studios in April. My dream is to have a body of work about pigs, chickens and cows in the goddamn factory dungeons of hell. More and more I see through the exterior of society into the truth. And it such an ugly and violent and selfish truth. Kelly Rae Roberts is so positive in her blog. I can't stay positive for more than a sentence or two. :(

I participated in the Newton Shop and Stroll fair. There I was giving out pamphlets about factory 'farming'. Damn, that our world is so messed up that we can call something brutal and sadistic 'farming.' Kills me.

Another thing has been killing me lately. The Yazidi women. Raped and Tortured and Brutalized by Isis. Those that escape and return to their people oftentimes deny being raped because they fear that they will be ostracized and rejected. I had to understand this so I researched it and found out that the Yazidi culture is just as fucked up as their surrounding Arab culture when it comes to the abuse of women and girls. In 2007 a beautiful 17 year old Yazidi girl named Kalil was killed in an 'honor killing.' I was so stupid and I watched the video. Just like Isis does today, her murderers recorded her killing and posted it all over youtube. It was sickening. And I am having flashbacks. Makes me feel so helpless and scared. Seeing how simple evil is. It is so simple. Never mind. I wish that I could erase it from my mind. I shouldn't have even written about it. Maybe I should give myself a challenge.

I challenge you to write only positive things in your blog. Nope, I can't. Being an empath and a broken soul leaves me very vulnerable. Kelly's art helps me. So does her attitude. But she like the rest of our culture is in love with her leather cowboy boots. Love Animals.

I love animals. Animals are the soul of my world. Thank you for the animals. Thank you for gentle animals. Thank you for the birds. Thank you for the deer. Thank you for the swan. Thank you for love. Thank you for positivity. I am not Kelly Rae Robert's (check out her art, it really is very lovely). I am me.

I hope that one day I will feel blessed again. One day I will. Some days I do. Just not when my body feels like its dying. That could kill positivity.

So, I have been suffering along with the Yazidi girls. Feeling helpless and vulnerable. Feeling how trapped they feel. Terrified. Wanting to make jewelry to sell to raise money for them.
I hate seeing the evil so clearly. Being innocent was easier. But PN blasted innocence out of me.

1. Disability fair with Pat and Mary.
2. Feminist club, Leslie College.
3. Vagina monologues, Leslie College.
4. Newton Open Studio, 2014
5. Alliance for Pelvic Pain, 2014
6. Newton Shop and Stroll art fair, 2014
7. Cindy Steinberg's support group, 2015 (looking forward, this friday)
8. Newton Open Studios, 2015 (looking forward, this April)

1. Facilitator of pelvic pain support group, 2 years.
2. Art and Healing workshop
3. Board member of Vulvodynia Matters, 2 years.

Keeping a record. Kelly Rae Robert keeps a record of all her stepping stones. Her website is built with so much wisdom. I would like to have a website for this Pudendal Neuralgia journey, something that others could engage in and 'enjoy.' Maybe one day I will. I will definitely need help in creating it.

Love,
Atara