I am less inclined to visit my blog,  maybe I have come to desire more privacy in my life. Maybe my creative energies are focused elsewhere. The documentary has a long road to go. I know now what I want and this makes it easier. I have more focus and with the help of Ido more of a sense of direction, movement and possibility. I feel that I can rely on him to be there for me and I value his advice and his mind. He has a creative mind. A sharp mind. And he is prepared to work with me. I have set a date for an interview with Dr. Jameson for Sept 11th. I have yet to set a date with Dr. Volovska. I will have to interview Raquel again. Jim's filming was too dark. Some of the footage that Jim filmed for B-roll is artistic and inspiring. Coonie is beautiful. Siabonga has died. The life that I lived is worlds away now aside from Liat, Deganit and Donna who continue to journey with me, my devoted and beloved sisters. Savta should leave her physical attachment soon. Her spirit has long been in the other realm. She was the first light to merge with me. Soft, tender and welcoming.
Siabonga.
Ido.
I wonder what it all adds up to in the end. I only know that I have to keep on moving with the pain, moving and creating and working towards a greater good. There is only one way to go. I continue to carry the pain with a diligence and with an ache for it to end for once and for all. It never ends, there is no moment of respite. The closest moments to respite are those where I lose my sense of being for a moment because my spirit is fully invested in something else. These moments are few, they are like miniscule illusions that leave me with the prayer that maybe the day will come when I will find freedom from pain. For now, the freedom that I have is the freedom to act, the freedom to create. This is a freedom that I do not take for granted. This is what I drink, eat, dream, pray...that it all add up in the end, that the word get around, that pelvic pain be on the news, in the headlines, on the radio, in women's magazines...
I would like to see it happen in my life-time. I would like to know that I was part of the change. I want to witness the way we chose to liberate our deepest feminine selves. I want to see, feel, breath the change. Whether I will or will not is not for me to know. All I know is that I am driven to tell my story and I believe that this time my story will be heard. I will not die in isolation. I will live in pain and my life will my victory over ignorance, indifference and oppression.
Atara