So, last night was my first night of trying the suppositories. I did feel less pain and more comfortable in my body. I think that I slept better too. I am on 300 mg of Lyrica. I take 100 mg 3 times a day. I also take 120 mg of Cymbalta in the "morning". My "morning" is a bit different. The Cymbalta gives me a pretty intense insomnia so usually I fall asleep around morning time and get out of bed (still feeling exhausted) at about 12:00 (my morning). I slept better last night and got up spontaneously at 10:00. I had no feelings of a "high" and I am happy with this. Just felt a reduction in pain. So, I will keep up with the suppositories and see how I feel. Damn, is it nice to feel less pain. How lucky are the people who live in pain-free bodies. Who knew that such horrible conditions existed? I did not until it hit me over the head and knocked me down and left me begging to be released from this misery. Begging to die, wishing that the pain would just kill me already. Whoever suffers from this condition knows what I mean. The heights of agony are unfathomable to the mind that has not been scarred and shaken by them.
Hurray for Opium!! Hurray for doctors who understand the danger in leaving their patients in pain! We have a lot of work to do. A whole lot of work. So this is my information for now. Cymbalta helped a lot but it only helped once I went up to the higher numbers. I used to cry every night cuz the pain was too much to bear. It helped tone down the burning and saved those nightly tears from spilling.
Don't give up!!!
I wanted to share something beautiful that I read the night before last. Victor Frankl in his beautiful and extraordinary book (which he wrote in nine days!!!) "Man's Search for Meaning" writes this: "It had been a bad day. On parade, an announcement had been made about the many actions that would, from then on, be regarded as sabotage and therefore punishable by immediate death by hanging. Among these were crimes such as cutting small strips from old blankets (in order to improvise ankle supports) and very minor "thefts". A few days previously a semi-starved prisoner had broken into the potato store to steal a few pounds of potatoes. The theft had been discovered and some prisoners had recognized the " burglar." When the camp authorities heard about it they ordered that the guilty man be given to them or the whole camp would starve for a day. Naturally the 2,500 men preferred to fast."
When I read this I was blown away. The fact that 2,500 men preferred to starve for a day when they were already suffering from life-threatening starvation is HUGE. Victor Frankl's use of the word "naturally" also amazes me. The fact that it was natural that 2,500 made this choice together is incredible. It is a magnificent triumph of the spirit. It speaks of unity and oneness and of the victory of dignity and humanity over brutality and cruelty.
Never give up hope. We have too much work to do. There are too many of us suffering. We with all our limitations have to get the word out. We have to help each other. I won't believe that all my suffering is for nothing.
Goodnight girls, goodnight sisters.
Goodnight Donna and Liat and Dganit. Goodnight Peshie. Thank you for having stayed by my side through all of this.
Love
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