Apparently cutting down on the Lyrica did nothing good for me. My pain level has been much more erratic, catching me by surprise and pushing me back into bed with a vengeance. I wanted to see how my body would respond with less Lyrica, the hope of one day getting pregnant pressing me to see if I can handle less medication. It seems that the answer is no. Since I have gone down on the Lyrica I have been needing to use my other meds more; Opium suppositories, Valium suppositories and Marijuana. I have been bed-ridden more often and have been less able to stick to plans. I will be going back up to 100mg of Lyrica 3 times a day. I hope that things even out again and that the increase in pain really is due to having decreased the Lyrica. I need by baseline back so that I can work on improving from there. So, it is me, Lyrica and Cymbalta 4ever. I sure hope not. Cymbalta leaves me awake, wide awake most nights. I prefer to not sleep then to go back  to the pain levels that tormented me before I got on Cymbalta. Damn though, it is really hard to not sleep.

I really hope that I will be able to handle the bus-rides to Waltham and the jewelry classes. I start two new jewelry classes this week. Last week I started a mosaic class and I could do it standing!
What can I say? It is very hard not being able to do the things that come to me so naturally. I know that I will be very good at working with the metals. I love delicate and precise art-work. But will I be able to handle the sitting pain? Will my pain spike and leave me searching for a place to lie down? Two friends of mine live walking distance from the school so this gives me a bit of a sense of security. I have to hope that my pain level will be under control again and that .....i so want to create and feel proud of myself and i so want to be able to enjoy creativity and creation again. The process of discovery has always touched my heart so deeply. Will I be able to enjoy????
Please, i pray. Staying at home in my room feels endless. Oh, please.