Hi Blog

Right now, I am tired but I want to take the time to write about the few wonderful days that I had last week. I feel that it is important, that I owe it to myself and also to those who care about me and feel for me through reading my blog. I am tired now mostly because I took a Benadryl in between morning and night. That was a mistake because I was completely physically out of it all day today. Either Benadryl just before sleep or not at all. I do have to say that I am grateful to Lisa who was the first one to tell me that Benadryl works for sleep. I think that the better sleep is part of what has been keeping my pain levels down and my spirits up. I also know that the activities that I am keeping myself busy with are also a large part of my uplifted spirits. It is not about pushing myself beyond my limits. It is about keeping myself focused on doing advocacy and awareness work. When I am busy with the things that I believe in then I have faith. I have faith that this pain is not for nothing. I keep faith that everything that I went through will serve its higher purpose. And I feel blessed and grateful that I am able enough and healthy enough (in body, mind and soul) to be serving God's/Goddesses' will on this earth. And I can even write to you about Happiness, even about Joy. I spent Thursday last week going to Blick's Art Store and then walking my long way to Mass Ave., to Dorothy's Boutique on 190 Mass Ave in Boston. Ohhhhhh, did I have fun. I tried on wig after wig after wig after wig after wig after wig after wig and one more wig and another wig and oh, yes, that wig too and maybe that color also and oh, I just noticed that one......I imagine that at this point you have learned another thing about me; I love trying on wigs. What greater excuse could I have to do so then that Purim is just around the corner and that I plan on having fun on Purim. Somehow, now that I have shaved all my own hair off, the wigs are all the more enticing. I bought two long-haired wigs and I have been wearing them just for fun. It is good to bring in Adar (the month of Purim) early so I wore it to Friday night services already. I am ready to grow my hair back long. Till then, I can play with my wigs. I could write a lot about Purim and its spiritual and transformational messages of faith and of courage. But, I am tired and what I want to write about is this: It was a beautiful day, an alluring preview of spring, I woke up early and got dressed to go to New TV to work on Final Cut Pro. My session was canceled and it was Blick's Madness Day. I had a 40% off coupon on any item in the store. And there were coupons and prizes being given out. I knew that I wanted to buy water-color crayons and that I wanted to buy blank greeting cards for the art workshop next week. I also knew that it was time to buy a wig for Purim. All I had to do was discover where. So, off I went not realizing that I was walking into one of the happiest days that I was to have in the last three years of my life.
What made it so happy?
The tremendous gratitude in my heart. The tremendous gratitude in my soul for having Life handed back to me in a way that I was sure would never be mine again.
And how simple is that?

Not simple at all.

And simply, simply beautiful.

Thank you was my heart.

And I spoke to a young homeless man that was sitting on the bridge. And I felt to grateful that I could bring him a pair of socks and a sweater.

I can walk.

I can laugh and try on wigs.

I can tell pretty boys that they are pretty.

I can talk to old ladies.

I can do so many things.

I can feel her. Her!! Me!!! The one that I thought that I had lost forever! The one that I loved so much because she cared so much about others and felt so much for others and her mischievousness, her playfulness and her passion.....her exuberance, her flirtatiousness....SHE was with me BY MY SIDE that entire day!!!!!

And I felt so blessed by her presence, so high....oh boy, do i know that high well...

Truly, I have been lucky to have her by my side for so much of my life. She is mostly made of love and a whole lot of playfulness inspired by that love.

That was on Thursday. Today it is Sunday. Abba will be coming from the hospital in a few days. I imagine that I will be crushed again soon. But at least I got a taste of her again. For a full and glorious day.

Good night
May you all sleep well
Thank you for joining me on my journeys.

Atara