It has been a hellish week. Yesterday I spent the day sobbing and sobbing some more. By night-time I was laying on the floor next to the fan with the tears streaming. A small brook formed itself beside me. A gold-fish, a purple fish and a yellow speckled fish swam leisurely, flirting with each other. It did not seem to matter to them that the water was salty or that I was crying. They seemed very happy to have been created. Of course, they do not suffer from pudendal neuralgia and they did not get their periods despite the fact that they are on birth control. Now, you ask, why would a fish need to be on birth control?
Apparently, the whole area becomes inflamed when all that interesting bloody, eggy stuff is going on inside. Which means, that the fish have less room in which to swim. The sides of the brook swell and begin to put pressure on them and....
(no, i am not stoned. in fact i have not been able to get any marijuana since that first and last joint that left me hoping to become a pot-head. And, damn did i wish that i had some pot last night)
As you all can imagine, I am so tired of this life, the one that i inhabit in my body. I am officially exhausted. As for the brook and the fish; the brook dehydrated. And the fish; they seem to think that they are fine here with me. They are keeping me company as my pelvis relaxes.
What can I say for myself?
Honestly, when I cry all day and fight the pain with the tip of my teeth, I feel worthless.
The fish remind me that i will survive, fortunately or unfortunately.
Love,
Atara
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